Archive for the ‘Thailand2016’ Category

Let’s Get A Few Things Out Of The Way Now

Sunday, January 10th, 2016
Thailand for you.

Thailand for you.

Yes. There are lady boys for “hire” here. I also saw one lady middle-aged-man and one lady dog. (The dog had giant teats and balls.) There are many little bars, one next to the other, in the alleys, with women and lady boys holding printed signs that say “Hand Job Blow Job Boom Boom”. I haven’t seen a single sign printing shop, but I figure those shop owners either worked themselves to death or made millions and are now retired in Orlando, FL.

Yes. The food is great and ridiculously cheap. There’s no point to shopping/cooking for myself when delicious, filling meals are only US$4. I feel a little guilty, like I’m getting away with something. But I also feel rich, in that money is not something one needs to think about anymore.

At age 46 I may be the youngest male expat in Pattaya. Most of the expat men I see appear older than 60 and have a younger woman or lady boy walking alongside them, holding hands.

Yes. I will continue to find Engrish funny.

So, now that I’ve established that all the things I’ve heard about Thailand actually exist, I can move on to other things.

The Flights To Bangkok

Saturday, January 9th, 2016

So yeah. I’m here, in Bangkok, Thailand. You could say it took 40 hours (of being more or less awake) to get here, or four months of gremlin-like multiplying house projects, or 16 years (since I came back from my 2-year whimsical frolic in South America). But dammit, I finally fucking made it!!

I flew to Bangkok in two planes. (Not at the same time, silly.) I flew from Houston to Heathrow and then, 5 hours later, to Bangkok. Modern technology, in the form of on-demand movies and beef bourguignon, helped those flights pass quickly enough. Even the 4-time vomiting child in the row in front of me did not, luckily, dampen my spirits.

I had hoped to visit London friends during the 5-hour layover, but now I see that that length of time would not have been enough, especially considering that I had to track down my baggage and ask the super-nice-and-helpful Thai Airways lady to ensure that under no circumstances was that baggage to accompany me on my flight. No siree.

An aside: the color scheme inside the Thai Airways plane is pink and and purple, which might be turned into a womb/vagina analogy, which could mean that I was birthed into Thailand.

Anyhoo, I arrived in Bangkok at 6am and headed straight for the Amarillo Stockyards. Once I’d been stamped and branded I ambled over to baggage claim to see whether my backpack had gotten an aisle or a window seat. “Not to worry,” I was told with a smile. And lo, they actually delivered my backpack to Kai’s Uncle’s apartment, which is where I’m staying and which is 2 hours south of Bangkok, about 15 hours after I landed. Now *that* is service.

While waiting for the 10am bus to Pattaya, I met a man named Tony from, I kid you not, Orlando, FL. (Tony Orlando) He and I chatted for about 30 minutes. I was quite groggy at this point, but I’m pretty sure that all he does is go from airport to airport just to enjoy the layovers between his flights.


Waiting to pass through Immigration at Bangkok Suvarnabhumi Airport.

The Dream (or The Quest, or The Folly, etc.) has begun. The first thing I’m gonna do is sleep for two days.